"Ted is literally the sweetest guy in the world. He's like a modern-day Martin Frobisher. If Ted took his awesomeness and built a skyscraper out of it, it would literally be taller than Mount Waddington! That's over 4,000 meters tall! When we split up, I literally cried forever. Yet, we both wanted different things, so we knew it wouldn't work oot in the end. Still, Ted is not a jerk. Would a jerk steal a Smurf Penis just to impress a girl? Would a jerk literally make it rain just to see me? I don't think so. In fact, Teddy Boy and I are still literally the best of friends. Anyone who thinks Ted is a jerk is a major idiot (Major Idiot!). Let me put it this way: I wouldn't trade the time I spent with Ted for literally all the grizzly paw ice cream sandwiches in the world."